I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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