I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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