I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
