he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
