dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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