John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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