so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
