Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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