Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

The best revenge is premature balding

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(613): View more from Ontario

my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy

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(917): View more from New York City

Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it

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(303): View more from Colorado

If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?

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(703): View more from Virginia

I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.

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(517): View more from Michigan

He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time

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(415): View more from California

I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...

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(702): View more from Nevada

Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride

(702): View more from Nevada

Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding

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