My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
