I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
