he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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