Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
