i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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