I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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