Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
