I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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