My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
