Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
