we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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