She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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