He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
