true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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