He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
