Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
