U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
