What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
