your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Randomize