My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
