her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
