I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
