I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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