roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
