now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
