Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
