Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
