everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
