I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
