i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
