We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
