Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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