You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
