I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
