..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
