Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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