well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
