we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
