drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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