Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
