Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize