I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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