We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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