Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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