After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
