I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
