you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
