oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
