New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
