went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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