I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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