My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
