He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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