in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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