home. puking in laundry basket.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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