How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
