Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
