when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
