oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
